As documented in my previous entries about my weight history, I’ve always struggled with my weight. I don’t think I actively started dieting until I was in my teens, but I always had big dreams of losing the weight no matter what age I was.
I find the older I get, the more my reasons for wanting to lose weight have changed.
When I was younger, it was for the obvious reason. I wanted to look better. Plain and simple, no doubt about it.
It started to shift as I slowly approached my late 20’s. I remember being put on high blood pressure medicine when I was 27 years old and being horrified. Blood pressure medicine was for OLD people! I was still young and vibrant damn it! Never mind that I couldn’t walk my dog to the end of my block without my lower back seizing up and me having to sit down and rest.
Young and vibrant in my mind, but my body was rapidly becoming that of a senior citizen.
In doing some research I recall reading somewhere that reducing your weight by a mere 10% could help lower your blood pressure. I think that was when I started to slowly make better decisions.
After dropping about 100 lbs I no longer had to take the BP meds. That was a great bonus, as was being able to walk great distances with no pain. But let’s face it, I looked amazing compared to my highest weight. It mostly all came down to looks.
As the years have gone by and I have yo-yoed back and forth in my weight, my looks have usually been a trigger to start the process all over again. I’ll see a picture someone took without my knowledge and be horrified at how I look.
This time it wasn’t about looks. Don’t get me wrong, that will be a wonderful side benefit! However, as I approach my late 40’s at an alarmingly fast rate, my health is more of a concern than anything else.
I’m tired of having no energy. I’m tired of being winded walking a short distance. I’m tired of my joints constantly aching. I’m tired of worrying about my health. And I’m tired of being tired.
I know that my everyday aches and pains would be greatly reduced if I lighten the load on my body. Carrying around this much weight was still painful in my younger years, but it is nothing compared to what I’m feeling 20+ years later.
My blood pressure is high again and I don’t want to be put on meds. My cholesterol was quite high on my last blood test and I don’t want to be put on a statin. My ankles now swell in the evening from sitting all day at work…that never happened when I was active and slimmer.
I know it sounds completely stupid to say this, but I don’t like taking up more space than I used to. Granted it isn’t as much as I did when I was at my heaviest, but it is I feel it for sure. The pandemic has really prevented me from seeing how bad it is as I can’t go to a restaurant and sit in a booth to see how bad the table cuts into my gut. And I haven’t been on a plane in over a year so I don’t know if I need an extender for the seat belt, but chances are probably pretty good that I do.
I remember one of my proudest NSV (non scale victories) was when I could buckle the seat belt on a plane with no assistance. It was always so embarrassing to have to ring the flight attendant and ask for one. At one point I was so large that I didn’t even have to ask, once I was seated a well meaning FA approached me and silently handed one to me with a smile. While I was grateful not to have to ask, I was mortified that she just eyeballed me and was like: “Yeah, that fatty needs an extender, I’m going to save her the trouble of asking and just bring her one.” I’m sure she was really nice but she really could not have won in the scenario I concocted in my head that day.
A couple of days ago at work, I had to crawl under my desk to plug in my new Bluetooth speaker and it was a pretty tight fit. Like, I wasn’t even sure I was going to be able to get back out. Not cool.
So yeah, while I will take any cosmetic benefits from the weight loss, I am much more looking forward to the health related ones.
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